TimmyH
Parents, Kids, Sex and the Internet
July 4th 2008 00:58
It is well established that a close relationship between parents and their children is associated with less risky behaviour during adolescence and a delay in the onset of sexual activity.
But how is “close” defined? It should not mean that parents are overbearing and controlling. Instead, it should mean that they remain a part of their children’s lives while showing them the appropriate respect.
According to a recent study by the McDaniel College parents fall into 4 camps:
1. Permissive – These parents provide their children with very little if any advice and support when it comes to sex and dating. As a result they virtually allow their children to run wild.
2. Strict – If parents set strict rules about their kids’ dating habits and sexual contact, the children end up rebelling and running wild anyway.
3. Unhappy relationships – These parents lack the relationship with their children to assist them in the transition to adulthood.
4. Happy relationships – Those parents who focus on parenting and supervising their kids, who in turn tend to be the happiest and most normal in their sexual relationships.
Parents who trust their kids to make good choices and have an open line of communication tend to have children who don’t feel that they have to lie and will spend their energy trying to live up to their parents’ expectations. Giving kids a rule book just means that they’ll avoid telling their parents about what they do and sneak around. But by the same token, when parents act like they don’t care, children have no reason to.
Teenagers are going to have sex. Schools and communities with abstinence only sex education have some of the highest rates of childhood sexuality. So clearly, discouraging sex is not an answer. While this might not meet with the moral judgment of many parents, if children can’t go to them for comfort and support because they’ve broken rules and fear punishment they are neither being kept from making bad mistakes nor being helped to learn from them.
Realistically, as a parent, you won't be the first point of call for your kids when they're entering sexuality and need advice. Generally they will go to siblings, older friends and increasingly the Internet.
Dating and sex advice on the Internet comes in many forms Online magazines, discussion forums, chat rooms and social networks all provide avenues for sex advice. Also, the best thing about advice on the net is the anonymity it ensures. Kids can get personal information, intimate stories and have 1 on 1 discussions with peers without any risk of having to ask a friend or family member. Getting advice from outside your circle of friends also means that the receiver can maintain a persona in public that does not conflict with their private relationships.
Parents may indeed become a fall-back position for many teens. They will increasingly go to parents for comfort and support. but when it comes to sexual advice, the net is far more lucrative.
But how is “close” defined? It should not mean that parents are overbearing and controlling. Instead, it should mean that they remain a part of their children’s lives while showing them the appropriate respect.
According to a recent study by the McDaniel College parents fall into 4 camps:
1. Permissive – These parents provide their children with very little if any advice and support when it comes to sex and dating. As a result they virtually allow their children to run wild.
2. Strict – If parents set strict rules about their kids’ dating habits and sexual contact, the children end up rebelling and running wild anyway.
3. Unhappy relationships – These parents lack the relationship with their children to assist them in the transition to adulthood.
4. Happy relationships – Those parents who focus on parenting and supervising their kids, who in turn tend to be the happiest and most normal in their sexual relationships.
Parents who trust their kids to make good choices and have an open line of communication tend to have children who don’t feel that they have to lie and will spend their energy trying to live up to their parents’ expectations. Giving kids a rule book just means that they’ll avoid telling their parents about what they do and sneak around. But by the same token, when parents act like they don’t care, children have no reason to.
Teenagers are going to have sex. Schools and communities with abstinence only sex education have some of the highest rates of childhood sexuality. So clearly, discouraging sex is not an answer. While this might not meet with the moral judgment of many parents, if children can’t go to them for comfort and support because they’ve broken rules and fear punishment they are neither being kept from making bad mistakes nor being helped to learn from them.
Realistically, as a parent, you won't be the first point of call for your kids when they're entering sexuality and need advice. Generally they will go to siblings, older friends and increasingly the Internet.
Dating and sex advice on the Internet comes in many forms Online magazines, discussion forums, chat rooms and social networks all provide avenues for sex advice. Also, the best thing about advice on the net is the anonymity it ensures. Kids can get personal information, intimate stories and have 1 on 1 discussions with peers without any risk of having to ask a friend or family member. Getting advice from outside your circle of friends also means that the receiver can maintain a persona in public that does not conflict with their private relationships.
Parents may indeed become a fall-back position for many teens. They will increasingly go to parents for comfort and support. but when it comes to sexual advice, the net is far more lucrative.
| 53 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by Richard Cramp
Big Fish, Small Fish: The Parenting Pond